ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize