You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
