u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
