I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
