BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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