i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
