Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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