After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
