is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's rum buckets o'clock
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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