I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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