Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
