i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
