Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
