Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize