The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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