guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
