I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
