5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
