Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
