Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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