I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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