I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
