So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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