if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
