I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
