last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
