You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think my moral compass just broke
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