A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
