I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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