The maid of honor just puked.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
