Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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