why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
