Don't you send me to vm
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
