need another drink. this is the easiest way
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
