And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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