You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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