I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
