We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
