Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Green mimosas i think yes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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