you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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