Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
