I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
