She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
