If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
