i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
