I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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