ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
