My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
