At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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