im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
