hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
