I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
