But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
