Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
