You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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