she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
