..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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