On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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